Just Start Again
This month I observed my 17th year in sobriety. So to honor this passage I’m writing a proper reflection note to share with you. These are the lessons I’ve gathered in 17 years of saying no to addiction so I can say yes to Spirit.
This list is in no way meant to over simplify the process of overcoming addiction—any addiction. I recommend support and lots of it in the early days. However, in the end it’s still an inside job. This letter is about the inside job part.
Plus, let’s be honest, you know how I love lists.
I will first lay gratitude to the Divine Spirit that resides within me and surrounds me in my life. I could not have done it without the faith I gave and the direction I received.
5 Essential Keys to Sobriety Success
1. Know your why: what is the real reason you are getting sober?
Hint: if you are doing this for anyone else besides yourself then you will be at a disadvantage during the hard times in life. I’m not saying it can’t be done. I know some damn stubborn people that do things out of spite, including sobriety. Sobriety can be done through force but it won’t be pretty and no-one will want to be around you because you will be unhappy. If you aren’t making this change for yourself then it’s not time to walk away from your addiction. Know your why, it’s the grounding rod for all the other tools you need to remain sober.
My why: I wanted clear direct access to my connection with Spirit at all times; and because I sometimes think in gaming metaphors: I can’t level up if I’m high or drunk. Pure body, pure intention.
2. Know your how: How is it going to look for you when your time, energy, and money are freed up from the time addiction occupied?
For nearly all those in recovery this looks like 12 step programs, at least at the start. It wasn’t my path but I’m not normal so keep that in mind. The important bit is this: how you spend your time is how you will continue to walk the path forward out of addiction and into the future you desire. This is where knowing your why comes in. It should be the driving force when you get to the sticky part where you want to give in to your base cravings. Know your how because it is the space holder when addiction comes calling.
My how: my how looked like removal of my former life, including all my friends, and into a life dedicated to the connection with spirit. I also married a man in sobriety who has been my rock in the dark nights of the soul. Today my how is simple: I have goals and I don’t have time for nonsense.
3. Know the replacement: What will replace the empty space addiction once occupied inside your body and mind?
Nature abhors a vacuum. Addiction once occupied a space in your life— body and mind. Something needs to replace it. Ideally this is where I tell you that Spirit should be top of the list. I’m a realist and know that so very few do sobriety the way I do it—especially at the start. Filling in that space with lessons from 12 step meetings, a new hobby that expands your talents, building new friendships around new experiences will all help with the emptiness that seems to rattle around and demand attention. Side note: the empty feeling will go away but it takes time.
My replacement: initially it was gym time, yoga immersions, spiritual training. Later it was becoming a mother of twins. Then it was following my passions and dreams. The replacement changes and the idea of the addiction just fades.
4. Know yourself: It’s time to face all the reasons you choose addiction over yourself.
After the body heals from the initial shock of sobriety you will notice that the mind clears and with it the sensation of life returns. The numb that chased away the demons is no longer an option. The work at this stage is vital to longevity in sobriety. You must come to terms with yourself, your life, and your childhood. Yes, there are processes for this in the 12 step programs if you utilize them. I’m here to tell you they don’t do enough. You have to chase the knowing that is deep and transforming within yourself. Forgive, allow, surrender and then go after the real depths of yourself that desires to be known and healed further.
My knowing path: therapy, applying 12 step basics and doing the steps with a trusted sober friend, attending ACA meetings and going through the healing steps twice, more therapy, a deep lasting connection with Spirit while honoring what comes up when it comes up.
5. Know Love: There is only one Love, connect with your desire to know it.
The Divinity and Essence of the One pure Love is the comfort required for any of life’s problems. It’s a heck of a lot easier to write about Divine Love than to put it in practice, yet I have managed at one level or another for 17 years. You cannot remain mentally healthy in sobriety without some form of a higher power. In the end you have to have a place you can go to inside your heart where you can lay down your burdens and find solace. Love can be that safe space in your life.
My love path: Love is where I go when I have no where else to go. It is also the purest expression of why I do what I do. It’s the first place I visit upon waking and the last place I tend to before I drift off to sleep.
Final Thoughts
For anyone considering sobriety in any form or for those that are newly sober I’m here to tell you that if you can do the things I suggested with dedication and conviction you will find sobriety gets easier with each year.
It really is just one day at a time in life. I learned all that I’ve shared today over 17 years—that’s 6,209 days. Allow for the grace to do what you can with just this day.
We live in a world where addiction is acceptable as long as you are functional. If you know inside yourself that your ability to function in unison with Spirit is compromised then it may be time to seek help. Addiction looks different for all of us. Honor your calling. If you need assistance find it. If you have questions please reach out to me by responding to this email or sending me a private message. We are all in this together. I’m happy to offer support.
I love this life and I’m grateful I get to share it with you.
Loving your Brilliance,
Lenaleah 💕