Chasing Shadows, Catching Purpose

Little deaths inside life

Kissimmee State Park

Blocked

Words hold power.

When I write I am not only freeing the story that wants to be told, I’m freeing a part of self. I know something is shifting within me when I’m blocked from my story words. It’s been five weeks since the fiery passion of writing chapters in a day has left me. Now, I’m writing scenes within a chapter. Sometimes only sentences in a day. Once, I wrote only five words.

I’m on a slow drip with words, stories. I don’t lack inspiration. I lack an inner connection (maybe conviction too).

The Story

I went to my shadow self and asked for the story of my block. What follows is the story told to me:

Holy is the space that Shadow and Spirit reside. Intertwined together, resting beneath the same breath. Together we cultivate all the possibilities that are ignited with desire, curiosity, wonder. Yet, none move forward without death and death is not without its own wanting.

The death of something is the birth or renewal of the next stage. The story of your untelling is the story of death and life. The little deaths in life require a quiet space to recalibrate. For a long time you have side stepped endings (small deaths) because you didn’t know what was on the other side. You are stuck because you aren’t embracing the unknown.

When the soul crosses the threshold of the body and into the vastness of what awaits beyond this realm a gift is received, and it only happen once in each lifetime. The endings you live here and now are the dress rehearsals. Letting go, allowing endings, they’re your opportunity to heal, receive. In letting go you are becoming more.

Truths

Truth: I have hit mid-life. Half-way. This was the thought on a sleepless night that started my quiet retreat away from words. Somehow the idea that I am half-way in life feels too big a bite to swallow.

Truth: The stories that I capture and transcribe are sharing space with me in my writing chair, waiting while I live inside the bubble of indecision. What am I to do with this next half of life? Somehow, I can’t seem to write myself out of this question.

Truth: These truths, all these words, they took weeks to compose. I don’t want to be seen in my vulnerable state. Creativity and possibility are tangible, yet I cannot hold onto them right now. Today, in letting these words go I have allowed an opening.

I’m waiting.

How are you these last days of May? What creative endeavors are you pursuing? Have you noticed any blocks in your life? I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below and let’s support each other in our celebrations and quiet retreats.