I’ve been playing with time.
Writing about it. Feeling into it. Letting it slip through my fingers, grind into my teeth, upset my flow.
Why time? Because it is the essence of how we track life. It’s how we show up in a space of a moment that is agreed upon to complete a task. In my exploration I have discovered a sliver of a truth about where we went wrong with time, it was the need to have it perfected. When we harnessed time from the sun and went to clocked time we lost something. My body tells me it was the ability to trust what natural instinct would guide us to without clocks or alarms. My dogs can tell you it’s dinner, the local Ibis can tell you when sunset is coming, my bees know when a storm approaches too late in the day for night nesting. None require time pieces. It’s innate.
Faced with growing children and a body that is slowing leaning towards the ground in submission, I have given up time as my ally. Instead, time is simply a choice. I have chosen to live in world much more fluid. It’s not easy and I’m like a baby learning to walk- I can’t run a house without abiding time- so how this all plays out will be a discovery in time mismanagement. I will find my way living in a world flawed with lost natural instinct opportunities. I will embrace instinctual responses to my needs in the moments that have fluidity to follow the wild call. This will clearly be an attempt at healing perfectionism in the process…but that’s another topic for another time.
5 Things (after a hiatus)
Life is an opportunity to have an intimate relationship with the body, it must be chosen to be so, the body will go on regardless of acknowledgment.
My body is not a symbol of suffering. Its job is not to carry the burden of unattainable projected perfection. My body is an action of Divine Grace, a miracle made in flesh.
Does my body lie to me when it’s feeling unsafe?
It is vastly different to surrender to fate than to relent to knowledge hard earned. One leaves you feeling helpless, the other simply frustrated.
If our thoughts are the creative force of life (and I believe they are), then attempting to mimic another leads to a loss of pure life spark. The Divine doesn’t make duplicates.
Tears. Just what I needed this morning. Thank you.